Am I an adult yet?

Strange question.  I know. 

Growing up in my immigrant household, you were not considered an adult until you were married.  That was fine and dandy back in the old village where you were married by the age of 18 (if not, have the stigma of being an old maid) but I didn’t grow up in the old village.  I grew up in east L.A.  Horale!!!

I’ve struggled with my adult identity for years.  I remember being 12 years old and wishing I was 18, a legal adult.  When I finally reached 18, I still felt like a child.  I didn’t wake up that next morning after my birthday with an extra dose of knowledge or wisdom.  I was a child. My family was still supporting me, feeding me, clothing me. Sure at 21, I was supporting myself and living away from home but I still didn’t feel like an adult.  Why not?

Maybe it’s because I didn’t get married until I was 34 years old, finally “grown” in my parents eyes.  Or maybe it’s was just me… holding myself back, procrastinating, giving myself excuses to not feel completely “grown” with all it’s responsibilities.  Adulthood is a state of mind.  I’m not sure if I’m there yet.